🔗 Share this article

Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has always been the safe haven in everyday journalism, and publications remain attentive to significant toilet tales and milestones, especially in relation to football. Readers were entertained to learn that a prominent writer Adrian Chiles owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet in his house. Spare a thought for the Barnsley fan who interpreted the restroom somewhat too seriously, and needed rescuing from a deserted Oakwell following dozing off in the toilet during halftime of a 2015 loss against Fleetwood Town. “He was barefoot and misplaced his cellphone and his headwear,” explained a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And everyone remembers at the pinnacle of his career at Manchester City, the controversial forward popped into a local college for toilet purposes during 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, before entering and requesting the location of the toilets, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a pupil informed the Manchester Evening News. “Subsequently he wandered through the school as if he owned it.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday represents 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit as the England coach after a brief chat in a toilet cubicle alongside FA executive David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, following that infamous 1-0 defeat versus Germany during 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the famous old stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, his private Football Association notes, he had entered the sodden struggling national team changing area directly following the fixture, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, saying quietly: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find for a private conversation?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The toilet cubicles. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I closed the door after us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, later admitting that he had found his period as Three Lions boss “soulless”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's a tremendously tough role.” English football has come a long way in the quarter of a century since. For better or worse, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, although a German now works in the technical area Keegan previously used. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Real-Time Coverage

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Daily Quotation

“There we stood in a long row, wearing only our undergarments. We were Europe’s best referees, premier athletes, inspirations, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We hardly glanced at one another, our gazes flickered a bit nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a chilly look. Quiet and watchful” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes match officials were formerly exposed to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss named ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to oversee the primary team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and distributed some merchandise, I have decided to put finger to keypad and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the school playground with kids he expected would overpower him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|